I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
