If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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