There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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