If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
