yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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