She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
