Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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