thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
