oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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