so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
