I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
