can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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