I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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