yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
