I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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