I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thus making me awesome and them whores
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
