Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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