im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
