Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
