Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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