8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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