You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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