I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
