i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
