oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
