Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
