just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
