oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
