his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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