Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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