There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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