I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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