so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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