my mouth tastes like poor choices
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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