toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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