This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
