The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
