He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
