Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's intense
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
