I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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