I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
