I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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