i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
