you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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