Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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