suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
