She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
