Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
