why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
