This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
