I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
