Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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