why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
